DO YOU PUT EVERYONE ELSE FIRST?
Do you find yourself doing more for your kids, spouse, career, family, community or home than yourself? Are you drained, overwhelmed and irritable at the end of the day? If you answered
yes, you are not alone.
In my private practice, I encounter many women who face the difficult task of juggling various roles with little or no time dedicated to self care. They set high expectations on meeting the needs of others, fitting in, moving up the corporate ladder or gaining the approval of others at the expense of their own emotional and physical wellbeing.
WHAT DRIVES US TO PLACE OTHERS NEEDS BEFORE OUR OWN?
From the time we are little girls, our parents, society, teachers and others emphasize the need for girls to be nurturing, non-assertive and nice. Little girls are taught that "nice girls don't yell" and "if
they make someone cry they need to apologize and make it up to them!" Society teaches us that in order to be loved and respected we must focus on meeting the needs of others. We get praised for being a super woman or super mom but our need to take care of ourselves is rarely validated. Taking good care of ourselves is as necessary to life as breathing. Yet, how many of us really take time out of a hectic schedule. If you are a stay at home mom your focus may be the kids, your house and your husband. If you are the president of a company, your goals may look different but the end result will be the same. Driving yourself to do or be more can be draining and harmful to
your emotional and physical health.
Another negative effect of sacrificing your needs for others is that you end up losing your identity. Shutting out your surroundings and becoming hyper-focused on the end goal, you lose connection with living. You may end up feeling like a victim, controlled by and at the mercy of others.
PUTTING SELF CARE ON THE TOP OF YOUR TO DO LIST:
Adding self care to the top of your to do list may sound strange; however, it as essential. You can't give to others from an empty place. If you nurture, love and appreciate yourself, you will be able to do the same for others. This is very important, especially if you have children as they learn how to take care of themselves from their parents. So how do we put ourselves on the top of the list? The following are a few suggestions about how you can start to value yourself and bring balance back into your life. Performing one or two of the following tasks on a daily basis will help you to feel refreshed, energized and better about yourself.
STEPS TOWARDS INCORPORATING SELF CARE INTO YOUR LIFE:
1. Schedule yourself on your to do list. Take 15 minutes out of your day to dedicate towards yourself. Incorporate a relaxing or soothing activity into your day, such as listening to relaxing music.
2. Create a self care ritual that you practice once a day. This could be taking time out to read a book, attend a yoga class, exercise, take a bubble bath or write in your journal.
3. Reach out for support from your spouse, friends or a professional such as a therapist. Have someone take care of your children so that you can take care of yourself.
4. Schedule a date with yourself where you do something you like. Go the bookstore, attend a support group or go out to dinner with a friend.
5. Become aware of when you are feeling overwhelmed and then take a break to de-stress. Go for a walk or sit in the park. Find a spot in your house where you can relax.
SELF CARE THROUGH THE PRACTICE OF ASSERTIVENESS
1. Engage in a personal growth activity such as attending therapy sessions geared towards exploring your inner thoughts and connecting with your needs.
2. Learn to say no when you are feeling overwhelmed or stressed out.
3. Pay attention to your body and make sure that you are meeting your own needs for sleep, nutrition and exercise.
4. Learn to incorporate time for play, fun and laughter into your life.
5. Pursue your interest and the things you have put off doing asa result of placing other's needs before your own.
Cindy Ricardo, LMHC is an Imago Relationship Therapist with a private practice in Coral Springs, Florida. She specializes in running workshops for Couples about how to create loving and supportive relationships. She also counsels couples and individuals on learning how to create a balances, joyful and empowered life. For more information please call her at 954.793.6442. or visit http://www.acaringcounselor.net to learn more about her services.
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